Q2. Balanced Husbands and Wives

[Pastor Ralph]

Q2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

[heatherdills]

Fathers and husbands can strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators by being firm, but kind. Mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires by compromise and honesty.

[peggysue]

I think it boils down to "have love for one another" with love there

is also respect caring and honesty for each other

[Jose Rivera]

Q2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be conscientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

I agree with Peggy Sue's comment. Love must be at the root of all we do, all we act on. All that Christ did He did out of love and obedience to the Father. Within the garden He asked if there was any way that this cup could pass, yet he also said, "not my will...but yours." That is an example of the love He had for the Father and the Father

[sunilbernard]

Q2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

Jose has summed it up correctly. We need to be based on the word of God for our daily actions and decisions. That way the correct balance between loving, caring and dictatorship rests. Any decision, taken with the background of the Word of God, appeals to either spouse and there is no opposition for it provided they both are grounded in the Word of God. Love conquers all. Hatred, jealousy, one-upmanship etc are all covered by the all conquering love. In love, there is no place for self. When self is given up, the natural consequence is harmony. And harmony is love between the husband and wife and children. Who can beat that?

[PressThrough]

Q2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

For our dads & husbands: By obeying The Word of God. That dictatorship thing is all about control, greed, & worldly things. Dictatorship is cruel, unless it's Gods' rule and I gladly follow Him.

For our moms & wives: By obeying The Word of God. I can get more personal with the rest of this part of the answer because I am a woman & X-wife. As a child I did what my dad said because I didn't have a choise. I was under the impression that my needs & desires didn't count or matter, as a matter of fact I was good for nothing. I now know that that is not true.

As a wife I submitted but was beaten down into the good for nothing I tried so desperately not to be. I deserved it, all of it. I was rebellious to God. But God loves me so much. He saved my life countless times. He didn't let my hope burn out, although it's come real close several times. He did this when I was not seeking Him. I forgot about Him, but He did not forget me.

I yearn to be with my Abba in Heaven! The trials are painful and I am so sorry that I hurt God & mankind, not because I suffer, but because Jesus suffered for me, for us. I count the suffering of the trials Joy though, for The Holy Spirit Comforts me, and leads me into Understanding. I still don't really know how to ask for what I need or desire because I have been such a waste. But God Forgave me, and provides my needs and I am greatful, but I don't know if I should even ask Him for any more for myself. I did finally learn how to ask mankind for what I need. Ug, Thank You God for all the various avenues You use in order to help me. Hallelujah!!!

[Sgt_Z_Squad]

2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

2.) Marriage is a complimentary relationship between a man and a woman. There is a give and take from both. Sacrifices from both. Dare I say "agape" type love? The need for the foundation of the relationship to be built on the foundation of Christ Jesus - with God honoring being first place. Then all else falls into place.

[MyBeloved]

If a husband loves his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her then a woman will be submissive to her husband as Paul teaches in Ephesians 5: 22-30. If a husband loves his wife as he does his own body a wife will want to submit to him. The husband that puts Christ first and his family second is living the way the LORD wants him to live and a wife should be willing to let him lead the family spiritually and every other way. Then there will be harmony in the home.

[Magnus]

First Peter exhorts husbands to

[grace]

*Great responses from the forum.

To strike a balance of being godly carintg leaders, Husbands (as the role of

spiritual leader) should give due respect unto the wife as a co-heir in Christ.

He should bring up his children in the care and admonition of the Lord. He

should pray with the family and teach them the ways of the Lord.

Wives can strike the right balance by being submissive to the priestly office

of the husband and to be supportive in his endeavours to please the Lord.

Those who expect family blessings must make conscience of family duty

[ccs]

Q2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

It's all about submission to each other . . . of being assertive, and loving without compromising God

[Jen]

We should love honor and respect one another. The husband is there as the head and the wife as his helpmeet. Even if the husband does not believe or the wife they are to be treated with the respect and honor you yourself desire. In that way Christ is honored and that should be the desire of all who know Him. It is a great witness to the nonbelieving world- godly submission in Christ.

god Bless!

Jen

[Helenmm]

I think fathers and husbands, mothers and wives can only strike the right balance through real study of the Bible (meaning that they have a great need to actually know the answers to these questions). My first reaction is that if they can't study and pray earnestly together, then avoid marriage like the plague. If this is not on the husband's initiative, then avoid that marriage like the plague, because the husband is to be the family priest. He will never respect his wife taking that initiative, even if he doesn't take it.

I believe that fathers are to hold themselves responsible for the peace, welfare, and happiness of all members of the household. (That doesn't mean that wives can nag them about this!). This means that fathers are responsible for bringing their sons(particularly) and daughters into line with honouring their mother. She is not the major disciplinarian in the family, and cannot be truly feminine (with a quiet and gentle spirit which the children need to experience), if she has to be (as in single parent families) both father and mother, especially of sons.

The first family duty of a father is to love the mother, so that she, as the weaker vessel, can operate safely in her responsibilities to him and to the children. She (her gentleness) is safe when she is loved, and the children are required to respect and obey her. This of course means understanding the wife's needs and point of view, and providing for them. For this he must be a good listener. Second duty is to be the teacher of the children, especially the boys, so that they understand the reasons for things, and can gain wisdom, and learn their protective role around women, children and weaker men. For this he needs to be wise in the ways of God, and well able to speak about these things, and anything else that the children want to learn about the world God made, and how to operate in it (by which I mean that it is an exciting world with millions of opportunities for exploration, some of which the children will certainly want to experiment with)

He is never to tease his wife about submission to him. That advice was given to wives, and was not addressed to husbands for their domination and selfish dictation. If he is found abusing her with this scripture, remind him that out of the heart the mouth speaks, and what did his last slave die of?

Mothers and wives are invested by God with a great deal of wisdom (if they are operating correctly). If their husband is aware of this he will often seek it and use it. Wives must speak what they believe and need and what they understand will be good and valuable for the children, (I did not say demand). I believe they should insist on things that are needful for the children, as they are so in tune with them. All the women of note in the old testament were able to present a point of view, even Esther, who called the whole Jewish nation in Babylon to three days of fasting. This did not in any way conflict with her respect and obedience to the very wise Mordecai. Although she treated the King with the utmost respect, she was able, at the right time, and in the right manner, to make her requests to the king. In so doing she did not in any way demean him, but honoured him even while doing that. He was very happy to listen to her, because she was always eager to please him, and never defiant. She posed no threat to him as Vashti had done. In other words, she completely supported his position and authority at all times, both in his presence and in his absence, (otherwise he would have heard about it) winning respect all round. I think this is the clue for women. The man must always be supported as head of the house, and appreciated as the breadwinner and provider. (Even if she does work, I believe family needs must come first with her, and it's his basic responsibility to provide).

Of course, if either one is operating off balance, then the role for the other becomes very difficult indeed, so there are difficulties in every marriage, none of us being perfect. But, by and large, striking the balance is possible, as I have seen in some marriages with amazing results (meaning that the children turn out well and the whole family remains united as one, even when the children grow up.

If one parent is way off balance (eg coming home drunk and abusing the mother and frightening the children), then I think different perspectives come in. I do have to laugh, because I once asked my (ex) husband whether I may stand for election on a committee to which he had shown much opposition, explaining to him that if I went on it, it would be for a whole year, and I could not leave it in the middle of the year if he got cross about it. He agreed that I could, and later complained to my pastor, who took issue with me, saying that I had asked him when he was in a good mood! What else would I do? That pastor, I later learned, was having babies outside of his marriage! Neither man had much capacity for appreciating women in the real sense.

What was missing, in both cases, was COMMUNICATION This is the essential thing in any relationship. Business deals are not done without good communication, and marriages founder without it. It is amazing how many people would never treat their customers/clients/colleagues the way they treat their wives. They understand clearly enough that this would not win them friends of influence people favourably! So what is different at home?

Excuse my long homily, but this is one area that is terribly important to me!

[Kim E.]

From this Scripture we can see that Sarah

[June]

By example!! Being the spiritual leader of the family and to teach his children the ways of the Lord, by doing what is right and just.

By studying the Word and discernment the woman can be submissive to her husband. She will know exactly what God says about all situations if she studies The Word herself.

[TennLady01]

By being what GOD has called them to me spiritual and Godly men. By setting examples for them to see. Read the word and do the word is the best thing a man can do to lead his children. He should bring up his children in the care and admonition of the Lord. Be more than a reader of the word be a doer of the word. Then the children wife and all will fall into place. Jesus told us that a mans body is his wifes and his wifes body is his and it they will respect each other all things will work out for them if they keep God in the center he will balance the relationship for them. He has to be first at all times. God will not take second place in any life. Being submissive does not mean you are going to go against the will of God it means God first them your husband then the children balance is very important in serving God.

[Peggie]

How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators?

Being the head of the household means to be the spiritual head of the household. That in turn means leading a Godly life and leading by a Godly example. A husband needs to be sensative and still be firm at times.

Husbands need to be respectful of their wives, discussing things with them before making decisions. But they must keep in mind that God holds them responsible for the decisions they make regarding the welfare of their family.

How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

Being a submissive wife does not mean being a doormat, but instead being a woman who respects the position of her Christian husband, the position God has put him in. It's much easier for a wife to be submissive toward a loving, caring husband than one who tries to be a dictator. A husband needs to listen to the needs of his wife and vice versa.

[chobson]

Q2= IN ANY RELATIONSHIP,HUSBAND,WIFE,PARENTS, CHILDREN THERE IS WORK AND THERE IS BALANCE (NOT ALWAYS EASY TO DO). BEING IN SUBJECT TO CHRIST AND KNOWING OUR SPIRITUAL POSITIONS IN CHRIST WILL KEEP US CENTERED. EPHESIANS CH. 5.

[Happy Feet]

We are all human and make many mistakes. Finding the workable balance is only realistically and practically possible when we seek God

[kas]

The formula Jesus demonstrated in His leadership was by being completely obedient to His Master, Our Father, and yet also a servant to us. This is the formula we should adopt. Be obedient first to the Lord and then to love our families as Christ loves His church. Sometimes it takes rebuking and discipiline but that is not to be confused with acting out in anger but in love. If any of our thoughts, actions or words dishonor the Lord, we are out of line. When a couple strives in their obedience to God, everything will fall into place, just as we strive individually to fulfill the 1st commandment we automatically fulfill everything else.

[AngelOnLine]

Q2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators?

If the Father loves God and shows it in the way he lives and is always loving and caring to his children, when it comes time to discipline them it will be done with love and won

[obnubilate]

I'm not married so i'm not speaking from experience but i believe that in all aspects of life, the LORD will bless us and work everthing for our own good if we seek Him and put Him first in our lives.

[Alicea]

How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires? (I know of no Christian cookie-cutter answer to this. It must be contientiously worked out within the crucible of marriage.)

Men can be t he godly caring leaders by, of course obeying the scriptures about how to love and cherish his wife, as Christ loves the church. Christ does not FORCE obedience. He lets His love bring us into line with His will.

Women usually do not have a problem with submission when treated with respect and love. The scripture says to be obedient to their OWN husbands. Therefore it needs to be worked out between the husband and the wife in the way their relationship is to go. I once went to a church where the elder in the church was trying to tell other men how their wives should be acting toward them. (Little did they know that he was beating his own wife). My husband and I took the stand against his bullying by telling him that I was to be obedient to my own husband and we had worked out our relationship and had peace in our home and with each other.

Because we are sinners we all either get dictatorial or rebellious but when both love Christ repentance comes in and the relationship is restored. If married to an unbeliever we must live at peace in as much as it is possible within us to do, but it is better to obey God than man if the unbeliever is wanting us to do something sinful.

[Sue]

Lesson 7 Q2

(a) Fathers and husbands can strike the right balance...of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators by living a righteous life towards God and being just to others. Living this life, family and others will respect them and their advice. They will be looked up too.

( Mothers and wives can strike the right balance...of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires by respect. Respect for her husband, respect for her children, for she knows that her husband is the head of the household and God is head over her husband. There is no Christian cookie-cutter answer but one thing is sure, we must have Love...Love for God, Love for each other.

[warrior]

Q2. (18:16-19) How can fathers and husbands strike the right balance -- of being godly, caring leaders without being dictators? How can mothers and wives strike the right balance -- of being submissive and at the same time being open about their needs and desires?

By seeking time with God and learning not only about him but who He is and what He expects out of us. Until we are who we should be in Christ we can not be what we should be in any relationship. No matter how much in love two people are the must be Christ first and time must be set aside to hear His voice.

Women are to follow and be submissive as the man leads under the leadership of Christ, if he is leading with the mind and character of God there will be no problem in being submissive or in the ability to discuss any needs either has.