Q5. Loving Unequally

[Craig]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

Favoring one child over the other(s) often causes emotional distress, hurt and pain; an inferiority complex; rebellion; acting out destructive behavior for attention -- it can kill a child emotionally and/or physically over time. It can cause dysfunction within a family ultimately destroying the family. I have not experienced parental discrimination in my own life, however I have pastored many of all ages who have experienced it as well as parental abuse.

In loving each of my children, I recognize their differences in personality. But, I love them as a father the same. I have five children, but each of the five have only one biological father. I owe it to each of them to love them where they are at. I think God does something that.

[charchar]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

Well I'm please to say I never had that problem. I am blessed to have one child, and in my heart I can not really see myself loving one child more than the other. We must understand that living one child is the same as loving 20. Look at all of us that God love so much that He gave us Love His one and only Son. So if God can love us that much we should no matter what do everything in our heart to show each of our children love regardless if one is different and is not doing all that we would like them to do. Love is what we live by, with faith, and God grace and his mercy is what helps us to do the right thing and that is to sure love always.

[Anneshaw]

Favoritism always has difficult side effects. (anger, rejection, bitterness,feelings of not measuring up. etc) It is God's will that we love our children equally and bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Each child needs unconditional love. Never say, "I wish you were like your brother, sibling..." One may be more compliant and the other more difficult, but never is there an excuse to love one more than the other. Having said that, we are not perfect parents. When one child is more difficult than the other, we sometime find ourselves in that very position, sometimes struggling for right perspective.) It is the time to confess that attitude and seek God's guidance. (My husband says that we are only as happy as our most unhappy child. Just a thought.)

[PATCH]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

Both my children have different characters so their response will be different :-

1) my elder son will be resentful and accuse us of playing favourites, and will try to get his younger brother into as much trouble as possible

2) my younger son will brood

The discrimination did not happen between my sister and I but it happened with my cousins whom I was living with. My aunts and uncles were doing much better than my parents. I was always put down because of my parents. I hated my aunts, uncles and my grandmother.

I avoided as many family functions as I could when I was growing up but in my early twenties I became a Christian and I was set free! Happily many of my family members also became Christians and we were able to put the past behind us.

In order to love our children who are all so different, we have to ask God for wisdom. We must also remember that all of us are so different - some downright sinful whilst others are walking right and yet God has no favourites. Thank You Lord!

[Antwan]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

Jealousy is produced when one child senses that their sibling, or siblings, is (are) favored over them. It could also produce bitterness. I did have a similar thing happen to me growing up. I was raised by my paternal grandmother, and although I don't doubt that she loved me deeply, I felt that she favored one of my cousins to me and the rest of her grandchildren (I and that cousin were the closest to her and around her more than the rest). It produced bitterness growing up, towards both; but something amazing has happened. Since my grandmother has passed away, I love that cousin because my grandmother loved her; she is cherished by me because of my grandmother's love for her; still, do I think her favoring her over me is right, no, but God says He can use good and bad to work out for the good of those who love Him and called according to His purpose.I don't advocate favortism, but as a human, I know sometimes we can't control how we may feel about someone or something, though we may know it is wrong; so, if parents do have their picks, I say that as much as possible, they should try to distribute their love fairly and equally.

[brandedcowgirl]

Well, I had one child to avoid that! Just kidding. The difference in treatment between my brother and I never became a big problem until both parents passed away when we were grown. My brother had deep resentment and anger that I was always treated better by all the aunts and uncles; he was left at home unwanted. When in reality they took me out of the house to get away from my alcoholic father who only liked my brother and made my life miserable. How could our life be perceived so totally different? My anger towards my father ended when I became saved and turned my life over to the Lord. I forgave him and moved on. My relationship with my brother will alwasy be difficult and hurtful towards me because he is not saved and does not know forgiveness. I am happy that I can talk to the Lord about this problem and let him handle it for me. I pray my brother can find peace thru the Lord. My parents never acknowledged the unfairness to us but I know that my mother tried to protect each of us in her own way.

[Rosie1Rose]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

The key is recognising each child as an unique individual and loving their uniqueness. Enjoying the blessing that comes from different relationships with each child.

Encourage each child in their uniqueness and accept in larger families not every child will gell with its siblings

[royk]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

The first son of a Jewish father who married a protestant christian, his family made it clear, I was the one to succeed big, like a ROCKET, after college graduation. Ill equipped, immature and lack of presence, but with a highly competitive attitude and a strong desire to succeed and push people to do it, y younger brother, 6 yrs younger, was stuck to watch and mimic me. heH had the tough role, but he also had more maturity by not getting stuck with a "false role to play" we both had our healing to do, both had to learn the hard way. Now I praise God for having taken me back 7 years ago, and a long walk to get to this point of obedience, and feeling his love, praise God from whom all good things come. Still some hard work for me to follow and to do what he has put in front of me.

Without such wisdom, I put my 2nd son through the same thing my father did to me. now that he is over 20, i've learned to praise him in every way I can, but it was almost too late. He is starting to blossom and so is our relation; but it is delicate and requires the wisdom God is implanting in me.

[Tim501]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

Unquestionably, in situations like these, the child that feels "less loved" develops an inferiority complex that negatively affects them then and later in life. These negative feeling often causes conflict between other children and the parents. My other siblings and I were all loved equally and I love both of my children the same, but I am more pleased by one child's decision to follow Christ more closely.

[glory]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

WHEN ONE CHILD IS FAVORED OVER ANOTHER, IT CREATES AN ATMOSPHERE OF STRIFE, JEALOUSY, ENVY AND BITTERNESS BETWEEN THEM. I HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS GROWING UP. MY MOM ALWAYS FAVORED MY TWO YOUNGER SISTERS OVER ME AND AS A RESULT I GREW UP FEELING VERY REJECTED AND CONSTANTLY LOOKED TO OTHERS FOR APPROVAL AND ACCEPTANCE.IT WAS ONLY WHEN I CAME TO CHRIST THAT I TRULY FELT LOVED AND ACCEPTED.I HAD TO RELY ON THE LORD AND CRY OUT TO HIM FOR DEEP INNER HEALING OF THE WOUNDS OF MY PAST AND HE HAS BEEN FAITHFUL TO HELP ME OVERCOME IN MANY AREAS SO I DON'T FEEL SO INSECURE ANY MORE.PARENTS NEED TO LOVE EACH CHILD JUST FOR WHO THEY ARE AND NOT BECAUSE OF THEIR BEAUTY, OR TALENTS OR ABILITIES.EACH CHILD IS UNIQUE AND NEEDS THAT NURTURING AND LOVE FROM THEIR PARENTS TO HELP THEM GROW AND MATURE TO BECOME EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY .

[DrD]

When children sense that you love one child more than the other(s) it threatens the unity of that family and results in division and mistrust - sometimes the results can bring about tragic and even fatal consequences. . .

NO, I don't believe that there was any real evidence that there was any such discrimination in our home when I was growing up - I have two brothers and three sisters and whatever one had or received everyone who desired to share in it had the opportunity to do so - not sharing in what any of the siblings had was a decision that was made by the sibling who for whatever reason chose not to participate - not the parents or the recipient . . .

I think that too often the only expression that many members of a family sees is in the giving and/or receiving of material things. Although giving and receivings are a part of love or demostrating love - they are not the whole of love. Within our families and especially among our off-springs we need to clearly define and demonstrate love. . .

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 (NLT)

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud

5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!

9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!

10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last foreverfaith, hope, and loveand the greatest of these is love.

[servant for Christ]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

When ine child senses that one is loved more than the other envy, jealousy,, hurt feelings, begin to set in. Yes, it did. Not with my brothers and sister but with a cousin. I found healing and forgiviness through Jesus Christ. The Lord revealed to my Dad what was going on. We grew up in a Christian home. Our parents loved us equally but differently. When they bought for one they bought for all unless a special occassion as birthday. I think I can say that our parents spent equal time with us. They were involved in our activites as a group and individual. Most of all, they showed us their love. They would not do something for one that was not right for the others.

[fiorisole]

When a child senses another child is loved more, it creates an very unhealthy relationship with the siblings. One child may always try to please the parent in any way possible.

Yes, this did happen to me.......my whole life. I was always told my mother favored my sister........and it always showed, no matter the situation. BUt when my mother became ill, it was my sister who stated, I can't possibly have mom move in with me and take care of her.........this from my sister, the nurse.

So, my husband made a room for my mother and we cared for her until it was physically impossible. ANd even then, I was the one to visit her every day.

Today, I have no regrets for the sacrifices made for my mother. As for me and my sister, she told me once she only would do what SHE wanted to do and we had nothing in common. As many times as I have tried to be the better person, my feelings were always hurt.

Now, I accept the fact we will never be close, and maybe one day she will say........why?

We can love our children equally but differently, because each child is different. Their needs are different, but let each child know they are loved and help each child in the way the help is unique to them.

[Guitar Jim]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another?

We only had one child.

Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing?

No. My mother seemed to love us all the same and my old man didn't seem to give a crap. He did seem to hate and resent me the most though. I was the oldest. When I got strong enough I threw him bodily across the room and slammed him into the wall. That sorted him out. He did end up bonding with my young brother but as far as my sister and I went there was no paternal interaction of any kind.

How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

I can't speak from experience but I think parents need to take an interest in what their kids do and who their friends are. Make the home a place where their friends are welcome. Never say, "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"

[Soboath7752!]

The children become distant and feel rejected and unloved. Hyes, I always felt that my parents favored a siblin more than me and did not love me as the other children. I don't think about it too much but the rejection is still there. My father stll doe it today and my mohter is decease. We should never show favoritism becuase each child is different and their needs are different. Most people, or should I say my family did not know how to love. But thank God that he brought us through for such a time as this.

[wifee]

5a)It causes friction,feelings of rejection &jealousy,i.e. it promotes sins

I felt much loved fortunatelyMy brother went to boarding school &felt rejected as sent away.

C)Found this hard.

d) Love them each affirming their unique qualities and gifts&giving then equal parent contact.

[AngelOnLine]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another?

It would cause jealousy, and could cause hatred among siblings.

Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up?

No, I had great parents. They loved each of us equally

If so, how are you finding healing?

N/A

How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

Each child is different, and each is a blessing from God. Parents can love each one without showing partiality. They may love one because they are in sports, and another because they love to write, but they can be loved equally.

[Old Jerry]

I think the thing that happens when a child senses that you love one child more than another the one that feels that way will start to rebel or do things to get your attention and that is not always a good things. I don’t think that this discrimination happened to me when I was growing up. Our parents loved all of us children but we did have to be disciplined different because of our personalities.

Loving our children equally but differently is a difficult task. But is one that must be accomplished if we want peace in the household.

[zoarabile]

Once kids sense preferences you have, it creates enmity between them. I experienced it and it made me sad as we re all grandchildren. However because our God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, he worked it out somehow for my own good. I became the most well behaved, trustworthy, responsible and intelligent in the family an din not time my grandparents' favourite and my grandma's confidant.

 

I have learnt that in most cases we do pass our experiences to our children. I have 2 sons but I realise that my feelings for the elder have been adversely impacted by his performance as per my expectations. I do ask God to be merciful and help me to appreciate that he is different from me and the younger one. Involving, training and giving room for kids to be different and make mistakes is important as it helps to appreciate them closely. The challenge is that we tend to be drawn and love those people who are more like us.

I still need guidance on this matter though.

[Ms. Green]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

My sister and I have each felt that our parents love the other more. I truly believe my site still believes this and that is why she feels the way she does towards me.

As for healing, I don't know if it has truly happened. I must seek God for the jealously that I have towards her.

[Ms. Green]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

My sister and I have each felt that our parents love the other more. I truly believe my site still believes this and that is why she feels the way she does towards me.

As for healing, I don't know if it has truly happened. I must seek God for the jealously that I have towards her.

[TheMessiah]

GOD DECIDES ALL PLANS

[Irmela]

Q5. (Genesis 25:28) What happens when your children sense that you love one child more than another? Did such discrimination happen to you when you were growing up? If so, how are you finding healing? How can we as parents love our children equally but differently?

I tried and am still trying  my level best to treat my children fair and that one is not favoured over the other.

It must be terrible to have this in the home thinking you are not wanted or not good enough or something similar.  Strife , jealousy and misconduct will be the order of the day.